I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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