Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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