Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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