just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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