I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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