I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
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I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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