I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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