My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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