my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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