I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
