If i come over, it means nothing
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
