Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
