Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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