Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
