u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
