I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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