There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
