brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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