So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
