We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
