Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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