Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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