Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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