I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
