I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
