Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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