Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i will never coherently bang her
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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