A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
