I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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