Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
