I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
