I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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