A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
