thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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