An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
