the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
