Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
