The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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