i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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