just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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