there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
