May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
