no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
