I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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