I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
