Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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