Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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