i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
