i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
