Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This baby is an asshole
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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