your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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