Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
