Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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