This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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