But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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