LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
