that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
