Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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