I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
